Eva
I would guess that most of us are familiar with language and gender issues like mansplaining, which has become common in pop culture in recent years.
I was familiar with mansplaining before this class as well, but the aspect of language and gender that surprised me more was that of conversational norms of genders and the clash of conversational cultures. I had never realized it before, but as I read the chapter on language and gender in Van Herk (2018), it was almost an exact rendering of my social circle. To be fair, both the studies referred to and my own experience occur in middle class, Western contexts.
I remember one summer evening in particular where the conversational style differences between men and women were so stark. It was a group of five men and three women in their mid-20s. We had been playing games and joking around, one upping each other with funny or crazy stories and jokes. Men and women alike egged each other on in a playful yet competitive atmosphere “where speakers compet[ed] for the floor” (Van Herk, 2018, p. 89). At some point, the three of us girls wandered off and were talking just us. The conversational style took a 180 degree turn, becoming supportive and personal, just like in Van Herk (2018). We huddled together and the conversation drifted from discussing our latest issues to old insecurities from childhood that still come back to haunt us every now and then. Van Herk “proposes that perhaps the norms for women’s talk are small group interactions in private contexts (whose goal is to maintain solidarity),” which describes perfectly what was going on (Van Herk, 2018, p. 89). In this private context away from the boys, a whole other world of conversation thrived. We built solidarity by sharing our worries and being there for each other. I remember feeling satisfied, like I was taking a breath of fresh air. Then, someone came over and stated that they were starting a new game and it was almost like the spell broke and we were back. We interrupted and laughed and teased and forgot about the previous conversational style.
What I’ve just described has been referred to as the difference model, or the idea that “gender differences in language do reflect different cultures of conversation” (Van Herk, 2012, p. 89). While this feels accurate, I do also believe that men and women are not equal in society, and that the dominance model fits that perspective better. This model attributes these differences to the unequal status of women. Personally, it doesn’t feel like my social circle is sexist, even subconsciously, but I also know that men still have more power in society and so surely there is some latent sexism in there. And it is true that our womens’ conversational style has never been brought to the larger group, or even among smaller, mixed gender groups within the same eight people. The women change and adapt to the culture of conversation, but the men don’t really. Are these differences in conversational cultures due to the difference model or the dominance model? Or some combination of both?
I have to admit, I enjoy both styles. They have different uses and goals, but both serve a purpose. Maybe we’ll get to a place where both can thrive and all genders experience them, without an imbalance of power. Or maybe we’re already there.
Van Herk, Gerard. (2018). Gender and Identity. What is sociolinguistics? 2e Chichester, West Sussex, UK: Wiley-Blackwell.
